Vacation Jokes
There are always fortune-tellers at the seaside. Two of them met on
the front at Frinton one sunny summer day. 'Lovely weather,' said the
first fortune-teller. 'Yes,' said the second. 'It reminds me of the
summer of 2005.'
Went to the seaside for a vacation last year. The landlady said to
me, 'We charge twenty pounds a night, bed and breakfast- or twelve pounds
if you make your own bed.'
'Oh, all right,' I said, 'I'll make the bed.'
And the landlady gave me a saw, a hammer and some nails.
Two little East End kids were paddling in the sea at Southend. 'Cor,'
said one, 'look at your feet. They ain't half dirty.'
'Well, we didn't have no 'oliday last year.'
Went on holiday last week. What a week it was. Only rained twice -
once for three days, once for four.
A poor little East End kid was taken away to the country for his first
holiday and as he got out of the train at his destination he looked
around in bewilderment. 'Blimeyl What a lot of grass to keep off.'
Two seagulls were flying over the beach at a seaside resort one boiling
hot August Bank Holiday afternoon. Every way they looked, there were
so many people there wasn't a speck of sand to be seen.
'Ah,' said one to the other contemptuously, 'takes all the< skill out
of it, doesn't it?'
A Scot from Aberdeen was on holiday in London and every night he returned
to his hotel full of the wonders of the city. So much so that another
guest asked: 'Is this your first visit?'
'Aye, it is.'
'You seem to be having a great time.'
'Aye, I am that.'
'Good.'
'And what's more, it's not just a holiday. It's my honeymoon as well.'
'Oh. Then where's your wife?'
'Och. She's been here before.'
'Excuse me,' said the guest, 'but this steak is so tough I can't even
cut it. Take it away and bring me another.'
'I can't take it away,' said the landlady. 'You've bent it.'
A holidaymaker was complaining to his landlady about his room. 'Look.
This wall's so thin you can almost see through it.'
'That's not a wall,' she replied, 'it's the window.'
A man arrived at his holiday guest-house and met the landlady.
'Can you sing?' she snapped.
'No,' he replied.
'Well, you'd better learn quickly. There's no lock on the bathroom door.'
