Sports Jokes
A soccer fan took his new girlfriend to a match for the first time,
and answered all her questions as she inquired about the function of
every player.
'And what's that man in front of the net?' she asked.
'He's the goal-keeper.'
'And what does he do?'
'He has to keep the ball from going in the net.'
'Ah. And how much is he paid?'
'Oh, about 2000 pounds a week.'
'Oh,' said the girl, 'wouldn't it be cheaper to board it up?'
A man and his wife were watching golf on tv and the sound on the commentary
was rather low. The woman went to turn it up. 'Ssh,' said the husband,
'ssh. Not while he's putting.'
A famous footballer went to Heaven and was met by St Peter at the Pearly
Gates. 'Who are you?' asked the saint.
'What did you do on earth?'
'I was a footballer.'
'Oh, and where are your boots?'
'I left them on earth.'
'Well, hurry back and get them - we're playing Hell tonight.'
'Do you know, Peter, I got a new set of golf clubs for my wife last
week.'
'Oh, David, what a bargain.'
The whole family was grouped round the television watching an international
rugby match and the English full- back once again failed to intercept
the opposing wing, who streaked home for his twentieth try. 'That full-back,'
said the father, 'he's useless. I don't know why they let him play forthe
side at all.' 'Well,' said his five-year-old son, 'perhaps it's his
ball.'
'Good morning, doctor.'
'Good morning. What's the trouble?'
'It's my shins, doctor. Look.'
'Good heavens. They're all hacked to pieces. Looks as if everyone's
been kicking you. What have you been playing - soccer or rugby?'
'Bridge.'
< There's a man playing golf and his caddie spends ages finding him
the right club.
'Oh, come on, man. You must be the worst caddie on earth.'
'I doubt it,' the caddie says, 'that would be too much of a coincidence.'
Two flies were playing football in a saucer. One said to the other,
'Have to do better than this. Come on, we're playing in the cup next
week.'
A fisherman invited a friend round for a rather special meal and couldn't
resist boasting about the main course. 'Do you know,' he said, 'I fought
for an hour with that salmon?'
'Yes,' said his friend, 'why somebody can't design an efficient can-opener,
I don't know.'
