Jokes about Newly-weds
A young bride married a handsome older man and was distressed to find
out that he had been married three times before. 'But what happened
to your other three wives?' she asked. 'Well,' said her husband, 'the
first one died from eating
poisoned mushrooms.'
'How terrible. And what about the second one?'
'Ah, she died from eating poisoned mushrooms.'
'And the third one?'
'She died of a fractured skull.'
'Oh, that's ghastly,' said the wife.
'Well, it was her own fault. She wouldn't eat the mushrooms.'
VICAR: And how are you and your new wife getting on, George?
GEORGE: Not too good, I'm afraid, vicar. We've separated.
VICAR: But you can't do that. You took her for better or worse.
GEORGE: Yes, vicar, but she was worse than I took her for.
At a rather posh wedding all the presents were displayed and in a prominent
position was a cheque for 10,000 pounds a present from the bride's father.
As the guests filed past the display, the bridegroom was annoyed to
notice one man roaring with laughter at the cheque. 'Who's that?' he
asked. 'Oh,' his bride replied, 'it's only Daddy's bank manager.'
'Good. I never liked the fellow.'
A newly-wedded wife was paying her first visit to the butcher. 'What
can I do for you, madam?' he asked.
'A pound of steak, please.'
'Yes. There you are. Anything else?'
'Yes. Could I have some gravy too, please?'
'Young Gladys got married at last.'
'Oh. Who to?'
'A second lieutenant.'
'How's that?'
'The first one got away.'
A couple arrive at the hotel for the first night of their honeymoon
and they go up to the bedroom. The husband undresses and gets into bed.
But the wife doesn't join him. Instead, she sits looking out of the
open window at the sky. After a while the husband says, 'Won't you come
to bed, darling?' 'Oh no,' says the wife. 'Why not?' 'Well, my mother
said this would be the best night of my life and I don't want to miss
a minute of it.'
'Darling, darling,' said the newly-wedded husband to his wife, 'I didn't
say you were a bad cook. I just said our dustbin had got ulcers.'
A young couple were given every sort of labour- saving device as wedding
gifts. The husband came home from work the first day after the honeymoon
and found his new wife crying her eyes out in front of the brand-new
washing machine. 'Why, darling, whatever's the matter?' he asked. 'I've
tried everything,' she sobbed, 'and I still can't get a picture on this
television.'
'I'm sorry about the eggs, darling,' said the young wife to her husband.
'They were frying beautifully, but then the shells cracked and they
spread all over 'the pan.'
'Darling, darling,' said the wife, 'I made this cake all by myseif.'
'Oh,' said the husband, 'and who helped you lift it out of the oven?'
