Marriage
A man had a wife who was a terrible cook - she just served frozen food
day after day. Eventually the husband went to his doctor and explained
his problem. 'And what's the trouble?' asked the doctor. 'Ulcers?' 'No,
frostbite.'
'Are you married?'
'No, I've always been round-shouldered.'
Marriage is based on the theory that when a man discovers a particular
brand of beer exactly to his taste, he should at once throw up his job
and go to work in the brewery.
Printed in a newspaper - Hugh and Ruth went to grammar school together
and their marriage will stop a romance begun between them there.
Printed in a newspaper - The marriage of Miss Anna Bloch and Mr William
Dashwood, which was announced in this paper a few weeks ago, was a mistake
and we wish to correct it.
'Tell me, young man,' said the father to his prospective son-in-law,
'if my daughter marries you, and I give her a substantial dowry, what
have you to offer her in return?' 'I'll give you a receipt.'
A drunken man at a party went up to a strange woman and embraced her
clumsily. She slapped his face. 'I'm so sorry,' he said, 'I thought
you were my wife.' 'Huh,' said the woman, 'You'd be a fine husband to
have. Just look at you -a drunken, clumsy, disgusting brute.' 'Good
heavens,' said the drunk, 'you talk like her, too.'
A man came back from a party very drunk and just as he was creeping
in by the front door he heard his wife moving upstairs. 'Oh - oh,' he
thought, 'she mustn't think I've been drinking. I know, I'll pretend
I've been reading all evening.' So he put the plan into action, went
into the sitting-room and sat down. After a few minutes the door opened
and his wife peered in. 'What do you think you're doing?' she asked.
'Reading, dear, just reading.' 'Shut up, you drunken idiot,' said the
wife. 'Now close that suitcase and come to bed.'
